i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
