Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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