dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
