weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
