Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its liver damage thursday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
