a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
