I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
