worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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