i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
