I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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