Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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