did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
