so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
