As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
