Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
