I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
