i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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