I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
