This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
