I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
