How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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