booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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