New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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