he puts the penis in happiness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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