Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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