dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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