At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
