For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
whose parrot is this?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
