I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
