I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
