considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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