Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
