you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
