to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
