i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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