HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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