Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
