Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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