I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
