2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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