stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
