I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
