He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
