Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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