Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
