You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
