Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
