I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
