did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
