Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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