Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
