she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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