after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
