he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just found puke in my bra..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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