All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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