mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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