I will die if light touches me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
