somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
