so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
